Time to lock it up. Or down? Lock it down?

29 Jul

Alas, it is time for me to go. No more public posts.

My previous posts are all private now, but my future ones will be password-protected.

If you know me even a little bit, you’ll probably be able to figure it out.

My password: (all lowercase letters, one word) first two letters of my female cat, first two letters of my male cat, and the first three letters of my boyfriend’s last name.

See y’all on the other side!

Update: high-fat-low-carb is the way to go for me

6 Feb

This may be my last post here for awhile. I’ve been wanting to get in on the tumblr community for awhile (seriously, there are some amazing inspirational (mostly female) tumblrs out there and I have been wanting to join in) and I’ve now finally made a tumblr. Going to be trying to post more frequently there for sure :) I haven’t decided if I’m announcing my tumblr handle here yet.

In any case.

I feel like a new person this week.

I got a haircut over the weekend — probably the best haircut of my life! thank you Kearns & Co. :) — and my confidence has been instantly boosted.

Not to mention, I have fallen into a really good groove in my eating habits. I haven’t posted about how that has been going because up until this week, things were iffy. I did gluten-free for about 2 weeks before transitioning to keto for almost all of January and I wasn’t LOVING it yet, still going through some of the carb withdrawal, etc. etc. so I was hesitant to update.

BUT NOW. I AM A NEW WOMAN, guys. Seriously.

I kicked off keto in early January by getting used to having bacon and eggs every morning. At first, I desperately missed having my PB&J sandwich that I was accustomed to, but THEN. A few days in, all of a sudden, I just kept craving bacon and eggs in the morning. I learned how to make delicious bacon (20 mins on the stovetop or 12 min in the oven at 350 degrees) and delicious scrambled eggs in bacon fat and now it is my go-to breakfast. Keeps me so satisfied all morning!

Ok, so for those of you don’t know, keto is different from gluten free. It is different from paleo. It is, to sum it up, high fat and low carb. Very low carb. Most of your daily macros should come from fat, a range of 60-75% (it really depends), about 20-30% from protein, and the rest (usually 5-10%) from carbs. I haven’t been diligently tracking but I did in the beginning and was able to meet my carb goals, although hitting my fat macros was harder.

My HUGEST revelation to date is this: realizing that fat DOES NOT make you fat.

I was victim to this horrible nutrition myth for my entire life. I abstained from olive oils and butter and fatty cuts of meat and full-fat dairy products FOREVER. LITERALLY FOREVER. I have never had full-fat yogurt (unless when I was a young kid), always buy skim milk for my coffee, don’t eat much cheese, and use cooking spray for stovetop cooking.

Oh. My. God.

I have been missing out so badly.

I threw out my turkey bacon. I’ve started buying fatty coffee cream. I plan to start buying full-fat dairy products like sour cream and whipped cream. I buy so much cheese now (mmmm, cheese. Yes. I’ve decided to STOP HATING ON CHEESE and learn how to love it, and I really really love smoked cheddar right now). I eat the fat on meat. I eat dark meat. I eat lots of nuts and peanut butter.

Oh, and salad. Don’t think I’ve forgotten my veggies. Mushrooms fried in bacon fat and veggies roasted with olive oil = simply amazing.

So yes, in sum, my diet is meat/cheese + salad. And nuts. I am loving it.

The perks?

1) Feeling incredibly satiated (because fat is very satiating) after every meal and thinking less about food in between meals. This is a big thing for me.

2) Feeling less and less like food has some kind of control over me. As if there are some foods that are hard to stop eating easily (well, it is easy to go overboard with nuts but more on that later).

3) And new this week is a feeling of clearheadedness, better sleep and more energy. The desire to move around more.

Of course, some of it may be “in my head” but people do say it takes about a month to get keto-adapted and used to running on fat, rather than carbs (sugars).

I’ve cheated on my diet a few times. But not very many. Once, while at my parents’ house, which is just saturated with carb goodness everywhere haha. I had bread. It was delicious in the moment and then I felt immediately terrible afterwards. Like, literally physically uncomfortable.

For the most part, I have been REALLY GOOD at adhering to keto. I’ve stocked up on Quest bars (SERIOUSLY OMG BEST BARS EVER) which have helped curb any sweet cravings or carb cravings immediately.

Along with doing keto, I am also trying to reduce my sugar intake. I still buy candy but buying a lot of sugar-free candy now, and eating it in moderate amounts. Putting less fake sugar in my coffee. Still drinking Coke zero. Eating limited fruit. I’m trying to temper my sweet tooth while at the same time, get used to less sugar in my system.

Oh, about nuts: for awhile I was overdoing it with nuts and peanut butter and felt like I must’ve been consuming 1000 to 2000 calories in nuts in one sitting way too easily. I kept expecting to gain some weight from it. But truthfully, I barely saw any budge in my weight. I should’ve gained some from how many calorie-dense nuts and spoonfuls of nut butters I was consuming (I gain and lose weight relatively easily — both a good and bad thing, of course), BUT I DIDN’T. And I started doing some research and realized people have studied it and noticed that despite nuts’ calorie-dense nature, they don’t make people gain the weight you would think they would.

Another big revelation I’ve made? Weight and fat loss is not just calories in, calories out. Not at all. Which is why keto is working.

It is working amazingly well so far, I have to say. This week especially.

I feel a lot more comfortable in my clothes. I have been KILLING it at the gym. I am just about back to where I was in terms of deadlift and squat PRs when I was training much more regularly a few months ago, going to the gym like 4-5 times a week. I haven’t been going as regularly as that, but at least 2-3 times a week. It is more manageable for me, considering my (still young) puppy.

And I’ve just had more of a desire to go to the gym. That’s just it. Getting back into a regular routine now and loving how strong I feel again, and just, AGH, everything is falling into place.

School is also calming down a bit right now, incidentally, and the other day I went out with some friends from Hong Kong, got the chance to catch up over drinks and had a blast. It was just what I needed.

I had just a bit of red wine and then mostly straight vodka, which works perfectly for keto. I said “no” to the beer, just had some of a sugary cocktail, and when food was ordered, I stuck to the raw veggies with hummus dip. There was poutine and pitas but with keto, those are no-no’s so it was very simple for me to just say no :)

I woke up the next day feeling a little hungover but NOT much, and as opposed to feeling bloated from fatty, greasy foods, I actually felt light and energetic, surprisingly :) (After a coffee or two, of course).

I can’t emphasize enough how much I’m enjoying keto.

People that know me would know how huge a thing this is. I grew up on carbs, I was addicted to carbs, I live with a boyfriend who loves carbs, pizza is (was?) my favourite food. There was no way I could imagine doing keto. NO WAY AT ALL.

And then I tried it, and I am now hooked. I want it to be a permanent lifestyle change. Not a fad diet. Not a fad trend. I love how it makes me feel (and look, maybe?). I’m losing fat. I’m building more muscle. No dips in energy.

If a full former carb lover like me can go keto, anyone can.

I plan to have some scheduled cheats every once in a while, though for sure. Not sure how often yet. Could be once every 2 weeks. Or 3 weeks. Or monthly, ideally. I’ll eat pizza on my cheats. Or a zucchini walnut muffin. Or my mom’s steamed peanut butter rolls. I will savour my carbs, but I won’t be addicted or controlled by them.

Because really, a diet made up of bacon, eggs, cheese, nuts, full-fat dairy, and dark chocolate in moderate amounts sounds absolutely perfect to me :)

Obligatory (but genuine) New Year’s resolutions for 2014

4 Jan

Dat New Year’s resolutions post.

I’m a little late BUT one of my New Year’s resolutions is to enjoy being in the moment/living in the present more so haaay that’s what I was doing.

I ended off 2013 — what was not a GREAT year but not bad either by any means — in just the best possible way: at a gorgeous picturesque straight-out-of-a-wintry-Hallmark-card resort in the middle of nowhere (aka as far north in Ontario as I’ve ever been) with my favourite person ever, doing new, fun and exciting things (see: dogsledding. Yup).

Anyway! On to my list of self-betterment.

1. Be more positive. 

This is a biggie. I used to be “bright and shiny” as Meredith Grey once tried to describe herself, but somewhere along the way, I got a bit dark and twisty. And then I’ve just continued on being kind of a sarcastic pessimist who has some sunshiny-bubbly days here and there. But I know a lot of actually “positive” people. For the most part, they make me obnoxious because they hashtag their instagram pictures #ilovelife #sodamnhappy #bepositive, etc. etc. Not that that I would ever do that or condone such behaviour.. but I could take a page out of their positivity outlooks. Trying to be more positive, I am told, will result in being more positive. My boyfriend is for the most part, a glass half-full kinda guy, and sometimes he makes life look effortlessly satisfying and positive, so I will try to copy him :)

2. Achieve some kind degree of mental peace. 

All the wars I’ve ever waged have been inside my own head. I am, like just about everyone out there really, my biggest critic. Except, I’m not ever my own biggest fan, when in reality, I could use more cheering on. I am a very far-deep-inside-my-own-brain kind of introvert that really needs to stop thinking/analyzing/dissecting/obsessing over the little things, and just breathe/enjoy/relax/let go. Being able to get to this would probably fix a lot of things, including anxious thoughts, trouble sleeping at night, physical health and well-being, etc. We all know how important mental health is for one’s overall health. And I want to take this year to really get my stuff in order. Not to mention, when I am struggling, I need to know when to ask for help. I am doing a big disservice by shoving my problems underneath a rug and pretending they aren’t important or will “just go away”. What happened to battling the stigmas against mental health? I can’t pretend to champion such a cause when I am so hypocritical about my own issues. So. This.

3. Focus less on myself. 

This might seem almost antithetical to my first two resolutions but I assure you it is not.

I was raised too much like a single child (well I was up until I was almost 10 years old!). And bless my parents’ hearts, but they totally spoiled me. A lot. So I’ve managed to retain many of my single-child-spoiled quirks, which, at the least I am AWARE of having — but I should try and work on that. The world does not revolve around me. Not even a bit. What I want to eat, when I want to sleep, where I want to go — these things should not be my call. Maybe some of the time. But not most. I want to focus on making the people around me, the ones whom I love the most, happier.

Some people are absolute doormats and get taken advantage of and do too much to try to please others, forgetting themselves in the process. I am probably on the other side of that spectrum sometimes so I could do to move more towards that side. Besides, I know for a 100% fact that the people I love would never treat me like a doormat anyway. By age 23, you learn to surround yourself with awesome people and wholesome friends that don’t bring you down :)

So yes. Less concern about having to eat dinner by a certain time, or at a certain place, about getting things a certain way — and more on playing and walking with my puppy, giving my boyfriend a break and letting him get the relaxation he deserves, being more appreciative of my parents, spending more time nourishing existing friendships (Caitlin!! Jenna!! William!! to name a few..).

4. Write and read more. There is always room for this. I haven’t picked up a book much in the last…..couple of years (one that I wasn’t being forced to read, I mean) and I hate myself for this because I absolutely used to be a huge bookworm. And when I read, I just feel naturally more inspired in life. I feel that I am either learning new, interesting things (non-fiction) or escaping into an alternate reality (fiction). Reading also expands my vocabulary, and there is not much else I love more than introducing new words into my vocab and strengthening my arsenal of words for Scrabble battles :)

5. Some kind of physical activity everyday, or at least, as regularly as possible. I can’t imagine going a month again being sedentary. I am going to get back into a great gym regime again soon, strength training-focused, with some cardio thrown in. I won’t stress too much about missing gym workouts the way I stressed last semester because my schedule is a bit more packed this term — BUT, I will make sure to get in daily walks with the pup, get my heart rate up by climbing stairs or something, etc. etc. My life is just infinitely better when I incorporate good workouts and regular endorphin rushes!

6. Oh yeah, and the more living-in-the-present thing. Forget regretting past decisions or excessive worrying and anxiety about the future. Time passes too fast not to really truly enjoy things as they are happening in the minute, in the here and now. Smell the roses, and whatnot. (I hate that saying but you know what I mean.) I saw a tumblr post of a guy who filled a jar with jelly beans representing the estimated number of days he had left alive, and moved one jelly bean to another jar after each day passed — as a way to remind himself to make the most of each day he had. Well, kind of morbid and dark if you ask me, but the underlying sentiment is a good one!

That’s it. Keeping it short and sweet. Not too difficult. I’m apprehensive about looking at the New Year’s resolutions I made last year for 2013, for fear I’ve kept very few/next to none of them. BUT HEY that is what a new year is for right????

Oh right and GO ME. I got my G1 today. (Yes, I know I’m probably the last 23-year-old in Toronto to get their G1…) I hated studying for it SO MUCH. I have no idea why but the idea of driving is 0% appealing to me. 0%. I should get my licence though. I just can’t be one of those women who doesn’t know how to drive.

GF update after 2 days

30 Dec

IMG_2884

So I’ve officially completed 2 days of no gluten. Thoughts:

  • It’s difficult to keep track of. I’m told gluten is hidden in a wide variety of processed foods, and sometimes harder to spot than you think. I’m doing a lot of ingredients-scanning and hoping I’m not missing obscure things like barley malt or malt vinegar.
  • Some things I’ve had to pass on the last few days: stuffing, gravy, chocolates with biscuits inside, crackers, tempura, soy sauce, miso soup, my favourite Bavarian rye bread (sigh).
  • Things I haven’t had to pass on (yay): turkey, homemade gluten-free gravy, mashed potatoes, mashed cauliflower, fresh veggies, fresh fruits, salmon sashimi (mmmmm!) with wasabi, cheese, plain milk chocolate.
  • I ordered a spicy salmon roll yesterday thinking it’d be fine BUT alas, it came with tempura bits. Alright fine, I ate it anyway because it looked delicious but to be fair, I scraped out as much of the tempura as I could.
  • Gluten-free muffins with semi-sweet chocolate chips, as in the photo above, are deeeeelicious. True story!
  • I’ve been reading criticisms of Wheat Belly and Grain Brain (because I want to know what other people say about it) and have turned up both good and bad. I think there are elements of truth to some of what critics are saying, but I also really want to keep going through with what I’m doing.
  • When I woke up this morning, I actually felt a bit different. It’s hard to describe. Lighter? More clear-headed? Better rested? Of course it could be the placebo effect but REGARDLESS, things are not bad at all so far :) I’m not missing my PB&J sandwiches or bread really at all, surprisingly. I do expect to have peanut butter withdrawal soon, and will have to cook up some steelcut oats (which are gluten-free!)

I think I’m straddling this line between trying to eat lower-carb without going too crazy. Wheat Belly essentially advocates a low-carb, paleo way of eating, even though it leads you to believe it is only about wheat. So does that mean the benefits of gluten-free aren’t fully reaped unless you cut out most starches altogether??? That would suck. I could never eat paleo, that’s for sure. And what’s the point in doing something that you could never maintain? I’m a big believer of making long-term changes, not short and quick fixes, despite what my short diet experiments may come off as, haha.

I like the idea of developing long-term and sustainable habits. I’m not sure if GF is sustainable for me, but maybe wheat-free is. At least, if the benefits touted by these books work for me — then yeah. Still have 5 weeks and 5 days left to see!

 

 

Yes, another diet. No, I’m not crazy.

28 Dec

So I’m doing something kind of crazy again. I know I just did my 30-days-of-vegan thing last May, but I’m itching for change again. Well, there’s more to it than that.

I’m going to go wheat- (at minimum) and/or gluten-free for a month. Maybe 6 weeks (the recommended time period).

Oh I know what kind of look you’re giving me. For those who are actually gluten-intolerant, or for those lovers of bread and pasta and other grains — “seriously girl, what are you doing??????”

I’ve given people shit for doing it when they don’t have an actual allergy. I initially thought it was the latest dumbest fad, like going fat-free or low-carb. I was like “no, everything in moderation!”

And mostly because I just couldn’t imagine living in a world without wheat. Without bread. Without my PB&J sandwiches and Chinese bao zi. I can’t picture it and I didn’t want to.

But hear me out.

I have been greatly influenced recently by a number of things:

1) Paleo/primal/keto bloggers. They eat mostly high-protein, very low-carb, and only starches in the form of potatoes. People on the keto diet don’t touch any starches, I think. Their diet is mostly fat and like, 2% carbs. Crazy, I know. But they do have a wealth of research behind them on the benefits, not to mention I know a few bloggers in particular who switched to keto diets no long ago, and genuinely have been seeing amazing results (energy levels, weight loss, etc.)

2) Wheat Belly and Grain Brain: two books by two doctors who, with results from their own patients and practices, talk about how wheat has changed and mutated over the last few decades, responsible for the seemingly-sudden surge of gluten-intolerances, and is no longer the grain that sustained civilization even just in our grandparents’ era. Now, it is so over processed and imbued with addictive qualities that modern-day ailments, such as insomnia, diabetes, fatigue, etc. (and in a different category, weight gain and fast food addictions) can be attributed to wheat and gluten. That is essentially the thesis of those two books — and they are merely part of a broader movement that has been growing advocating the elimination of wheat and gluten from our diets. Recall the revolutionary Atkins diet, which was low carb. It had some truth to it, despite the justified criticism it gets. There is something about the sugars that is produced by wheat that spikes our blood sugar, making us want more and more of it. It is hard to only “sometimes” eat wheat products. Most people either eat it all the time or almost not at all (that is, at least, what I see around me and what I personally know).

3) People I know in real life who go gluten-free (for some reason or another) and rave about the benefits. They say it is hard (oh so hard) but worth it.

So that’s it. I’m trying it out. I can’t really fully explain why it is so appealing to me except that I’ve tried so many other ways to tune up my diet and work out, but am not seeing the results I want. I am a pretty big carb and wheat lover, so if that addiction can be put under control, maybe other things will fall into place too.

Also: today is day 1 of being GF. I made GF muffins with chocolate chips, hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. Success! They are delicious and taste nothing different from regular wheat-based muffins. This probably won’t be too hard :)

Less is More

25 Dec

This year was a very atypical Christmas for me.

For one, it marked the very first time that I celebrated the holiday with my boyfriend, and our own little family. It wasn’t like last year, where we split up and went to each of our respective families. Rather, we’ve gone and will go to visit each side of our families as one group, us two together with our pet-babies in tow :) There is something incredibly amazing about doing it this way — I feel more grown-up, my relationship feels more serious, I feel as if we’ve taken a big step forward without planning it. And I couldn’t be more happy.

For another, it was a Christmas that was deliberately present-lite. Korey and I both agreed our puppy was going to count as the bulk of our presents for each other and that we’d impose very modest budgets for what we’d get one another. He still ended up cheating and getting me a bunch of amazing things that kind of went above the budget :P but still, we both stayed in very reasonable limits considering the presents we’ve exchanged in the past.

Another reason that made it unique: I purposely tried to stay off the grid as much as I could. I barely touched Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. I took a few pictures, but not many. No cheesy Christmasy pics + captions uploaded. Just….spent the whole day with my family. Eating. Drinking. Talking. Looking after our crazy puppy. It was refreshing. It felt a lot like living and enjoying the present, not thinking about stressful things or worries, not checking my phone to see how many “likes” a picture got… it felt perfect. A part of me hates that I didn’t whip out my camera and try and get everyone to pose for a nice Christmas picture together in front of the tree, something I might be able to look back on in the future.

But whatever. Pictures are not my only memories. What creates memories is living in the actual moment as things are happening. I suppose I might someday forget it all, but that’s fine :) I have plenty of other ways of remembering how special today was to me.

The theme, then, for this Christmas, was less is more. Less stuff. Less social media. Less distractions. It means more room for the things that actually matter. It means more attention for the people I care the most about. More ability to focus on the things that matter most to me in life.

I had a truly wonderful Christmas 2013. And I hope other people can take a page from my “less is more” theme, especially in a world where “more is better” is the preference.

Oh. I do regret not taking a better “White Christmas 2013″ picture though. It’s been quite a few years since my last White Christmas in this city, if my memory serves me correctly. Now okay snow — enough of you. You and winter can go away now :)

Back at the gym, the world feels better already

18 Dec

Today was the first time I stepped inside a gym in what is probably one month, on the dot.

This time, last month, I just stopped going.

Surprisingly, it didn’t feel weird to stop. It was something that was a big part of my day to day life for a long time, but everyday just felt like a “rest day”, and it honestly didn’t bother me.

Until this week.

Everything on me started to feel softer. I haven’t exactly gained weight — actually I think I’m smaller because I’ve noticeably (at least to me) lost muscle.

And today, I just couldn’t get it out of my mind that I wanted to go to the gym. So it was 4pm,  I had just showered, and I hate going to the gym during afternoon/evenings, BUT I decided to immediately change into gym clothes anyway. At first, I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do. Cardio? Treadmill? Spin class? Weights? Yes, weights. For sure.

Once I stepped back into my regular gym, my world felt a little more restored.

The moment I picked up the barbell was the moment I felt a rush of longing. It was strange. I hadn’t missed it until I had come back. I didn’t realize something was off in my life until I came back to it today.

My first-workout-in-a-month was a mixture of emotions for me: happiness at being back in the gym, sadness at the realization of how much weaker I had gotten, fearful of pushing myself too hard, determined to go harder, etc. etc. When I tried to deadlift again, I started out really light just to be careful. When I got up to 95 lbs., it already started feeling really heavy. This was so disheartening for me, because I love deadlifts and my old PR was at least 1.5x my bodyweight.

I’ve only been going regularly to the gym for maybe 8 or 9 months. Before that, it was sporadic. But I’ve been active in some way or another very regularly for a few years now. Which was why I was surprised it took me a whole month to find the desire to go to the gym again.

I blame a number of things: being a new-puppy mommy, the onset of winter, the lack of daylight, writing lots and lots of papers, gym fatigue, a lack of fitness goals, etc.

Because the truth is, I love going to the gym. Being active and incorporating fitness in my life feels so natural to me — it feels like something that is now a mandatory thing in my lifestyle.

The past month I’ve been a lot more on edge and not as cheerful, not really attributing it to my lack of gym time, but it probably played a big role in it. Going to the gym today felt a lot like therapy. It felt like nourishing my body and my mind — allowing myself to take time just for me, doing something that was good for me, doing something that I loved.

Who am I kidding, I can’t stay away. There is something addictive about the fitness high for me. Getting my butt to the gym really was never a problem, I just have a much harder time with nutrition and food (not that I don’t know what’s good for me, but I’m just a lot more lax with it and UH I LOVE FOOD, HELLO, chicken + broccoli everyday sounds terrible but neither do I have the time to make delicious + clean versions of regular food).

I’m determined though, guys. I hate making new year’s resolutions but I’m doing it this year. I’m holding myself accountable. The gym is going to be back as a regular part of my life again and I’m going to do nutrition right. Track my macros, or whatever the fitness buffs like to call it :)

And I’m going to kick my old deadlift PR’s ass.

 

Puppy woes

26 Nov

I have been conspicuously silent after posting about getting a dog — I know.

But oh god. It is so much work.

I have a new-found appreciation for all of my friends who have raised or help raised their dogs from puppies, and I think, an even huger appreciation for people with babies because if a puppy is this much work, how much more is a baby?!?!?

Anyway, aside from the realization that I won’t be ready to have my own kid for a *good* number of years, I have been a mixed bag of emotions the past 2 weeks since we got the puppy.

Well for one, I’m taking a hiatus from the gym. A long one. Two weeks or more. I haven’t even quite come to terms with this decision yet, but it feels okay so far. I simply can’t fit it into my schedule right now, with puppywatch, paper-writing and work, unless I wanted to go at 6AM or 8PM at night (neither of which is remotely appealing). After maintaining a schedule of going to the gym 3-5 times/week all school year, I expected to feel very different to suddenly stop going. But aside from the pangs of guilt I’m getting now and then, and the worry that when I do go back, I’ll be infinitely weaker, it’s not bad. It’s good actually. I think I need a gym break. It’s also taking away the incentive for me to eat crappy food, so I’ve been eating really clean lately and the lean proteins/fruits and veggies have kept my energy levels up :)

As well, the new puppy means I get a lot less attention from Korey. I know this makes me sound selfish and immature, but it’s true. I’m used to getting his full attention, but now it’s — dare I say — 60/40 or even 70/30 divided between dog and I. Oh well, what can I say? I don’t like sharing.

I also have zero social life. I feel really guilty for going to the library for hours on end to work on my essays and leaving the puppy with Korey, so there’s no way I could justify going to watch movies with friends or the like. Also going out to restaurants is inevitably harder, and morning rituals involving a slow breakfast and coffee on the weekends no longer exist. I’ve begun to accept these things though, so it’s not a big deal.

What really has been hard is everything coming together: sleepless nights, standing on the balcony freezing with the puppy to get her to pee, cleaning up after her mistakes, and most of all: not freaking out when she bites incessantly and tears holes in your beloved clothes. Aaaarrrggghhhhhhhhhhh.

But seriously? She has her cute moments. Despite it all, she is obviously worth it. I know this part is the hardest part, and I know she is just too dumb at this point to know otherwise — so I have to be patient. Otherwise, it’s like getting furious at a crying baby. What’s the point??? At least her crying is cuter than a baby’s crying, right?

I thought I was a pretty mature person but having to take care of a puppy has completely challenged that view I hold of myself. To be fair, it’s also a stressful time at school for me BUT thank goodness for my boyfriend picking up most of the slack with the puppy and doing anything he can to make my life easier. I am very, very lucky.

I just really need to get better with this whole patience thing. What is this thing called patience? I blame my dad. I totally got my mom’s looks and most of my dad’s personality traits. *sigh*

I swear though, once we get over the puppy craziness, the dog part is the part I will love and have lots of fun with and not mind taking care of at all.

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